[apps-discuss] Apps area review: draft-ietf-geopriv-rfc3825bis-14

"Vijay K. Gurbani" <vkg@bell-labs.com> Wed, 01 December 2010 22:17 UTC

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Date: Wed, 01 Dec 2010 16:21:04 -0600
From: "Vijay K. Gurbani" <vkg@bell-labs.com>
Organization: Bell Laboratories, Alcatel-Lucent
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Subject: [apps-discuss] Apps area review: draft-ietf-geopriv-rfc3825bis-14
Precedence: list

I have been selected as the Applications Area Review Team reviewer for
this draft (for background on apps-review, please see
http://www.apps.ietf.org/content/applications-area-review-team).

Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments
you may receive. Please wait for direction from your document shepherd
or AD before posting a new version of the draft.

Document: draft-ietf-geopriv-rfc3825bis-14
Title: Dynamic Host Configuration Protocol Options for
        Coordinate-based Location Configuration Information
Reviewer: Vijay K. Gurbani
Review Date: Dec-1-2010
IETF Last Call Date: Not known
IESG Telechat Date: Dec-2-2010
Summary: This draft is ready for publication as a Proposed Standard.
I have some nits that could possibly be addressed.

Nits:

1) S1: s/has a range of/is useful for a range of/

2) In S1, the phrase "where retrieving it might be difficult
  in practice" --- what is it qualifying?  The fact that the
  information is stored on the end device? or the fact that
  location information is stored somewhere else on the network?
  I suspect it is the latter, but just wanted to make sure.

  It could possibly be reworded as:

  OLD:
    An important feature of this specification is that after the relevant
    DHCP exchanges have taken place, the location information is stored
    on the end device rather than somewhere else, where retrieving it
    might be difficult in practice.
  NEW:
    An important feature of this specification is that after the relevant
    DHCP exchanges have taken place, the location information is stored
    on the end device rather than somewhere else. Storing this
    information at a place other than the end device makes retrieving it
    difficult in practice.

3) S1.2, suggested re-write:
  s/In this document, each of the three axes can be/In this document,
  each of the three axes --- Latitude, Longitude and Altitude --- can be/

Thanks,

- vijay
-- 
Vijay K. Gurbani, Bell Laboratories, Alcatel-Lucent
1960 Lucent Lane, Rm. 9C-533, Naperville, Illinois 60566 (USA)
Email: vkg@{alcatel-lucent.com,bell-labs.com,acm.org}
Web:   http://ect.bell-labs.com/who/vkg/

[apps-discuss] Apps area review: draft-ietf-geopr… Vijay K. Gurbani
Re: [apps-discuss] Apps area review: draft-ietf-g… Claudio Allocchio