[Gen-art] draft-ietf-roll-terminology-12.txt
Francis Dupont <Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr> Tue, 02 April 2013 07:53 UTC
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From: Francis Dupont <Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr>
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Date: Tue, 02 Apr 2013 09:53:53 +0200
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Subject: [Gen-art] draft-ietf-roll-terminology-12.txt
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I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>. Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments you may receive. Document: draft-ietf-roll-terminology-12.txt Reviewer: Francis Dupont Review Date: 20130323 IETF LC End Date: 20130330 IESG Telechat date: unknown Summary: Ready Major issues: None Minor issues: There are some missing forward definitions for some abbrevs, i.e., the first time an abbrev is used it should be explained too (*). (*) "too" because it is explained (i.e., put in its long form) in its entry which can be after the first use. Nits/editorial comments: - Abstract page 1: e.g. -> e.g., - ToC page 2 and 5 page 7: Acknowledgements -> Acknowledgments - 1 page 2: please introduce the HVAC abbrev (the Abstract should be considered as to be independent) - 2 page 3: commisioning -> commissioning - 2 pages 4 and other: i.e. -> i.e., and e.g. -> e.g., (including at the end of line) - 2 page 4: K -> k (or if you prefer Kelvin -> kilo in units :-) - 2 page 5 (LLN): refrigeration.. -> refrigeration. or refrigeration... - 2 page 5 (PER): I suggest: error- even -> error - even - 2 page 5 (P2MP): an example of a missing forward definition for RPL, i.e.: RPL -> Routing Protocol for Low-Power and Lossy Networks (RPL) - 2 page 6 (RPL): arbitratry -> arbitrary Regards Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr PS: a terminology with a lot of cross references can be hard to read (so to write). I had a very bad experience with an ISO OSI one in the past so the only thing IMHO should be required is to be readable in one pass in the beginning to end order (vs. hopping order), so my comments about abbrev definitions.
- [Gen-art] draft-ietf-roll-terminology-12.txt Francis Dupont