[Gen-art] Gen-ART Last Call review of draft-ietf-roll-applicability-home-building-08

Meral Shirazipour <meral.shirazipour@ericsson.com> Sun, 22 March 2015 20:28 UTC

From: Meral Shirazipour <meral.shirazipour@ericsson.com>
To: "draft-ietf-roll-applicability-home-building.all@tools.ietf.org" <draft-ietf-roll-applicability-home-building.all@tools.ietf.org>, "gen-art@ietf.org" <gen-art@ietf.org>
Thread-Topic: Gen-ART Last Call review of draft-ietf-roll-applicability-home-building-08
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Date: Sun, 22 Mar 2015 20:28:51 +0000
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Subject: [Gen-art] Gen-ART Last Call review of draft-ietf-roll-applicability-home-building-08
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I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq. 

Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments you may receive.

Document: draft-ietf-roll-applicability-home-building-08
Reviewer: Meral Shirazipour
Review Date: 2015-03-21
IETF LC End Date:  2015-03-23
IESG Telechat date: NA


Summary:
This draft is ready to be published as Standards Track RFC but I have some comments.

Major issues:

Minor issues:

Nits/editorial comments:
-[Page 1], "RPL" first used in title/abstract, Would be good to spell it out.
-[Page 5], Section 2, "Monitoring of functional correctness is at least as important.". As important as what? (not clear)
-[Page 5], Section 2, "Devices typically communicate their status regularly and send alarm messages notifying a malfunction of equipment or network."
Not clear what equipment is? network node is an equipment?
-[Page 6], Section 2.1, "for large installation"--->"for a large installation"
-[Page 8], Section 2.2.2, "fire detectors and the smoke dampers need to be put in place to meet the stringent delay requirements."
Where can we find a value for the delay requirement of fire detectors? A value or reference would be good.
-[Page 9], Section 2.2.4,"advanced scene and group control". Not clear what "scene" means.
-[Page 13], Section 4.1, "assumes the role as authoritative"--->"assumes the role of authoritative"
-[Page 16], section 4.1.8, please spell out first use CBC-MAC (Cipher Block Chaining Message Authentication Code)
-[Page 16], section 4.1.10, it would be good to give the RFCs.
-[Page 16], section 4.2.4, MLE to spell out at first use "mesh link establishment"
-[Page 22], "CoAp" first used in section 7.4, but spelled out in section 8.
-[Page 18], section 5.1.1., "to throw away too late messages", how are too late messages identified?
-[Page 27], [I-D.ietf-6lo-lowpanz] to be replaced by RFC7428 
-[Page 28], link to [occuswitch] to be verified.
-Through the document both "ms" and "msec" are used. Selecting one for consistency would be better.

Best Regards,
Meral
---
Meral Shirazipour
Ericsson
Research
www.ericsson.com

[Gen-art] Gen-ART Last Call review of draft-ietf-… Meral Shirazipour
Re: [Gen-art] Gen-ART Last Call review of draft-i… peter van der Stok
Re: [Gen-art] Gen-ART Last Call review of draft-i… Adrian Farrel
Re: [Gen-art] Gen-ART Last Call review of draft-i… peter van der Stok
Re: [Gen-art] Gen-ART Last Call review of draft-i… Meral Shirazipour