[Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-dhc-access-network-identifier-08.txt

Francis Dupont <Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr> Wed, 03 June 2015 14:55 UTC

Message-Id: <201506031455.t53EtFBs088831@givry.fdupont.fr>
From: Francis Dupont <Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr>
To: gen-art@ietf.org
Date: Wed, 03 Jun 2015 16:55:15 +0200
Sender: Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr
Archived-At: <http://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/gen-art/eqiaOrk9AXB_m1ehfiUKEaDkHfU>
Cc: draft-ietf-dhc-access-network-identifier.all@tools.ietf.org
Subject: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-dhc-access-network-identifier-08.txt
Precedence: list

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on
Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at

<http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>.

Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments
you may receive.

Document: draft-ietf-dhc-access-network-identifier-08.txt
Reviewer: Francis Dupont
Review Date: 20150601
IETF LC End Date: 20150609
IESG Telechat date: unknown

Summary: Ready

Major issues: None

Minor issues: None

Nits/editorial comments:
 - ToC page 2 and 10 page 16: Acknowledgements -> Acknowledgments
  (BTW you wrote behavior, not behaviour, so please keep US spelling :-)

 - 3 page 5: I was looking for the RFC 2119 reference there but
  it was just after the Abstract. So I went to the RFC-Editor webpages
  to read what the last RFC Style Guide says: the requirement language
  section is supposed to be in the body (vs headers) after the introduction
  (i.e., exactly where I expected to find it :-).
  Note it doesn't really matter and if something needs to be fixed it is
  more likely the tool you used...

 - 4.3.1 page 7: Identifier[ANI].
                           ^ insert a space here

 - 4.4.2 page 10: Ex: -> e.g.,

 - 4.4.2 page 10: the DNS encoding is a bit ambiguous because there are
  (too) many things in RFC 1035. I think you mean the wire format (vs
  text format) but perhaps it should be better to be more accurate in
  the wording?

 - 7 page 14 (twice): must -> MUST.

 - 7 page 14: I suggest to change:
    ... When generating a response, the server echoes
   back Relay Agent Information options

by

    ... When generating a response, the server SHALL
   echo back Relay Agent Information options

 - 9 page 15: And, [RFC3118] and [RFC3315] -> [RFC3118] and [RFC3315]

 - 9 page 15: draft-ietf-dhc-sedhcpv6-07.txt is under IESG review,
  perhaps will be published before your document, and obsoletes
  a part of the argument (unfortunately not the "in active use"
  even the day before my review I finished the code of a secure DHCPv6
  prototype :-).

 - authors' addresses pages 17 and 18: no uniformity in the case of
  country names (The UPU says upper case but this doesn't apply to
  I-Ds/RFCs... The RFC-Editor will fix addresses).

Regards

Francis.Dupont@fdupont.fr

PS for native English speakers: is unsecure proper English? My speller
says insecure and unsecured are but not unsecure.

[Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-dhc-access-network… Francis Dupont
[Gen-art] Insecure vs Unsecure [was Re: review of… Elwyn Davies
Re: [Gen-art] Insecure vs Unsecure [was Re: revie… Brian E Carpenter
Re: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-dhc-access-net… Jari Arkko
Re: [Gen-art] review of draft-ietf-dhc-access-net… Sri Gundavelli (sgundave)