[Mip4] Comments on draft-devarapalli-mip4-mobike-connectivity-00

["T.J. Kniveton" <tj at kniveton.com>]

I was asked to comment on this draft, so here goes:

General:

This is quite a chunk of work. Congratulations, because it is well- 
written, and quite understandable even to me, someone who isn't super  
familiar with the subject.

I thought Jari A.'s review 5 weeks ago went over the meat of the  
content well, so I'll augment it with a smorgasbord of editorial and  
minor technical comments.


Editorial:

Section 1, 2nd paragraph.
"setup" -> "set up"

4th paragraph.
You are using "MIPv4", "MIP", and "mobile IP" to represent the same  
thing. I recommend standardizing throughout the document.

first bullet point.
"setup" -> "set up"

third bullet point.
", typically, " -> " typically "

fourth bullet point.
"in which case," -> "in which case"

next paragraph.
" are IKEv2 are" -> "for IKEv2 are"

section 3, 1st paragraph.
recommend to split this into 2 or 3 paragraphs, break points at "When  
it roams.." and "If the mobile node moves.."
"internal home agent" -> "i-HA"

Recommend to label the diagram in this section, and make a reference  
to the diagram near the beginning of the document, when describing  
the network layout.

sections 3.1.1 and 3.1.2
Since you defined them earlier, you might want to abbreviate to co- 
CoA and FA-CoA.

You define "VPN-TIA", but use "VPN TIA", "TIA", and "IPsec TIA"  
throughout the document. Recommend to standardize.

section 3.2, 1st paragraph.
I am not familiar with the term "Foreign Agent co-located care-of  
address". Does that mean an FA-CoA, or something else? Following  
sentence, maybe you want to say it gets an address from DHCP and uses  
it as a co-COA.
"The mobile node at any time maintains a valid binding cache entry  
that maps the home address to the current CoA, at the Home Agent" ->  
"The mobile node maintains a valid binding at all times." (the MN  
doesn't really maintain the BCE; the HA does). You can also use  
"registration" or whatever term you want in place of binding.

3rd paragraph.
"used as care-of address" -> "used as the care-of address"
Should this paragraph be in section 3.3 (or 3.4) instead?

section 3.3, 2nd paragraph.
", while outside the enterprise" -> " while outside the enterprise"

section 3.4, 1st paragraph.
", if it does not receive" -> " if it does not receive"

2nd paragraph.
"IKE MOBIKE" -> "MOBIKE"  (?)

section 3.4.1, bullet 1.
"Initiate IKE" -> "Initiate an IKE"
"update the current address with the VPN gateway" -> "update the VPN  
gateway with the current address"
"in the trusted side" -> "in the trusted network"  or "on the trusted  
side"

bullet 3.
Is it possible to abandon the step 1 exchange if step 2 is  
successful, or must the tunnel be set up and optionally torn down?

section 3.4.2 bullet 1
"IKE" -> "an IKE"
"update the current address with the VPN gateway" -> "update the VPN  
gateway with the current address"

bullets 1, 3, and 4.
"Registration Response" -> "Registration Reply"

Also, please standardize the capitalization of Registration Request  
throughout the document.

Security Considerations.
Consider that the method described in section 3.4 reveals the  
enterprise's i-HA address to the visited network.
"connectivity, typically requires" -> "connectivity typically requires"
"security and" -> "security, and"
"detecting that is" -> detecting that it is"

Appendix A.
"no standards effort currently" -> "currently no standards effort"

Attachment: smime.p7s
Description: S/MIME cryptographic signature

-- 
Mip4 mailing list: Mip4 at ietf.org
    Web interface: https://www1.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/mip4
     Charter page: http://www.ietf.org/html.charters/mip4-charter.html
Supplemental site: http://www.mip4.org/