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Regards,
Jukka

On Fri, 4 Apr 2003, Randy Presuhn wrote:

> Hi -
> 
> A couple of nits jumped out at me from
> draft-ietf-seamoby-mobility-terminology-03.txt,
> please ignore if you think I'm hallucinating.
> 
> Section 1, first paragraph:
>     "could like take" -> "could take"
> 
> Section 1, second paragraph:
>     "terminology, for" -> "terminology.  For"
> 
> Section 2, "Bandwidth" should be expressed as information carrying
>     capacity PER UNIT TIME.  Without the time dimension, it's not
>     bandwidth.
> 
> Section 2, "Bandwidth Utilization" neglects link overhead.  The current
>     definition sounds closer to "goodput".
> 
> Section 2, "Channel Access Protocol" the second sentence seems to conflict
>     with the previous definition.  The phrase "uncontested access to the
>     medium" doesn't seem to be quite right for FDMA or CDMA, for example.
>     Same comment applies to the MAC definition.  Perhaps the distinction
>     between "channel" and "medium" should be more rigorously observed.
> 
> Section 2, "Fairness" sounds like it means to say something like "fairly
>     available" instead of "fairly equal"
> 
> Secton 2, "Mobility Factor": so the units would be moves per initiation?
>     (rather than something like pdu, exchange, or transaction)  What does
>     this mean for connectionless protocols like SNMP?
> 
> Section 2, "Neighbor": "forwarding node" -> "forwarding node."
> 
> Section 2, "Payload": "Note," -> "Note"
> 
> Section 3, first paragraph: "a set of nodes form" -> "a set of nodes forms"
> 
> Section 3, first paragraph: "The Figure 1" -> "Figure 1"
> 
> Section 3, second paragraph: "i.e." -> "e.g."
> 
> Section 3, second paragraph: "ANR" is introduced without expansion
> 
> Section 4.1: the distinction between "horizontal handover" and
>      "layer 2 handover" isn't clear.  An example illustrating the
>      difference might be useful.
> 
> Section 4.2: The intent here is to characterize all handovers
>      in five dimensions (a-e)?  The use of "may be" in (c) where
>      the others use "is" seems odd.
> 
> Section 4.2 (c): so "mutual assistance" isn't possible?  :-)
> 
> Section 4.4, "Goodput": this is an unusual way of defining it.
>      This definition would count bandwidth used by packets dropped
>      due to CRC errors as "goodput".  Is that really the intent?
> 
> Section 4.5: "UTRAN FDD" used without expansion.
> 
> Section 4.5: "the splitting" -> "The splitting"
> 
> Section 4.6:  (bottom of page 18)  Where's the rest of the sentence
>      beginning "The term"  ?  :-)
> 
> Section 4.6, "Active State": "when" -> "When"
> 
> Section 4.6, "Time-slotted Dormant Mode": is the extra indentation
>      deliberate?  The following text refers to three states, which would
>      suggest that it is, but the layout looks odd nonetheless.  I'd suggest
>      moving it into the "additional defintions" that immediately follow.
> 
> Section 4.5, "Paging" and "Location updating": "a procedure" -> "A procedure"
> 
> Section 4.8: "to which MN is currently attached to" ->
>              "to which MN is currently attached"
> 
> Section 4.9: "means, the", "means the"
> 
> Section 4.9, last paragraph: "LMM messages itself are not" ->
>      "LMM messages are not"
> 
> Section 4.9, last paragraph: "although," -> "although"
> 
> There's no IPR section...  No trademarks, etc. in this area?
> 
> Section 10: if this is planned for eventual RFC publication,
>    this should be split into normative and informative references
> 
> Section 10: the format for entries should follow that used in
>      <draft-rfc-editor-rfc2223bis-04.txt> (Note the order of
>      names and initials in lists follows common bibliographic
>      practice, strange though it may be.)
> 
> Section 11: there's a superfluous ")" in one of the email addresses.
> 
> Section 12.a.1:  "GSM", "EMA", "WLAN", "PLMN". "UMTS" aren't expanded
> 
> Section 12.a.2: "TDMA", "W-CDMA", "CDMA" aren't expanded
> 
> Section 12.a.3: "RNC" that isn't Republican National Committee, is it?
> 
> Section 12.a.4: GPRS? GGSN?
> 
> Section 12.a.4: "components (see Figure 1."  -> "components.  (See Figure 1.)"
> 
> 
> Randy
> 
> 
> 

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