Hello Dean,
Sorry to make your head hurt ;-)
To me the -09 sentence was clear but I do think you have a point on
the
compound sentences.
Still I would like to comment on the "only" in following sentence of
the
text you proposed:
"The second is for the URI placed in the Record-Route to be
constructed
such that application of RFC
3263 resolution procedures to that URI produces a result reachable
only
using TLS."
Why should that URI _only_ be reachable via TLS?
The DNS for that URI can be populated with NAPTR records
for multiple transports with TLS as preferred I assume.
Resulting in following updated text:
"When TLS is used on the transport on either side of the proxy,
the URI placed in the Record-Route header field MUST encode
a next-hop that will be reached using TLS. There are two
ways for this to work. The first way is for the URI placed in the
Record-Route to be a SIPS URI.The second is for the URI placed in
the Record-Route to be constructed such that application of
[RFC3263] resolution procedures to that URI results in TLS being
selected.
Proxies compliant with this specification MUST NOT use a
"transport=tls"
parameter on the URI placed in the Record-Route because the
"transport=tls" usage was deprecated by RFC 3261."
Can we agree on this text?