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draft-montemurro-gsma-imei-urn-03 editorials (resent)
[[ Resent after posting problems -- thanks Lisa for correcting these! ]]
Note:
In the meantime, the authors already have addressed the itemse
below and the -04 draft version is on its way to the archive.
Kind regards,
Alfred.
----- Forwarded message -----
> From: Alfred Hönes <ah at WOTAN.TR-Sys.de>
> To: mmontemurro at rim.com, aallen at rim.com, pgosden at gsm.org
> Cc: urn-nid at ietf.org
> Message-Id: <200903311430.QAA20573 at TR-Sys.de>
> Date: Tue, 31 Mar 2009 16:30:43 +0200 (MESZ)
> Subject: draft-montemurro-gsma-imei-urn-03 editorials
Hello authors,
following up to your revised GSMA URN Namespace Internet-Draft,
draft-montemurro-gsma-imei-urn-03,
I found one potential ABNF issue and a couple of editorial flaws
that should be addressed before publication of the memo as an RFC.
Otherwise, that draft now looks reasonable for going ahead with
the registration.
(1) Abstract -- language/punctuation
The 2nd sentence,
[...]. The IMEI is 15
decimal digits long and the IMEISV is 16 decimal digits long and are
both encoded using Binary Encoded Decimal (BCD). [...]
should perhaps better be written as:
[...]. The IMEI is 15
| decimal digits long and the IMEISV is 16 decimal digits long, and
vvvvv ^ ^^^
| both are encoded using Binary Encoded Decimal (BCD). [...]
(I.e., swap "are" and "both", and insert a comma after the 2nd "long".)
(2) Section 3.1 -- ABNF flaw ??
In the 'Declaration of syntactic structure', the draft specifies:
| urn:gsma:<gsma-specifier>:[<gsma-specifier-defined-string>]+
^^
and the subsequent prose indicates that
"... the colon can only occur as a delimiter between string values."
Therefore, I strongly suspect that you might have wanted the colon
to be repeated as a separator character between multiple
<gsma-specifier-defined-string>s in future extensions of GSMA URNs,
and hence the grammar should say:
| urn:gsma:<gsma-specifier>[:<gsma-specifier-defined-string>]+
^^
(3) Section 3.1 -- punctuation
The 'Declaration of syntactic structure' contains two paragraphs
introducing ABNF snippets, which are inconsistent in the punctuation
used:
a)
The formal definition of the IMEI string representation is
| provided by the following ABNF [7].
^
b)
The formal definition of the IMEISV string representation is
| provided by the following ABNF [7]
^
I suggest that _both_ paragraphs be terminated with either a period
or (IMHO better) a colon.
Later on, the 'Identifier persistence considerations' clause contains
a spurious comma, and missing white space aftre the end of a sentence.
Please correct:
As the NID sought is "gsma" and GSMA is the long standing acronym
for the trade association that represents the mobile phone
| operators the URN should also persist indefinitely, (at least as
v ^^
| long as there is a need for its use).The assignment process
guarantees that names are not reassigned. [...]
---
As the NID sought is "gsma" and GSMA is the long standing acronym
for the trade association that represents the mobile phone
| operators the URN should also persist indefinitely (at least as
vvv ^
| long as there is a need for its use). The assignment process
guarantees that names are not reassigned. [...]
(4) Section 4.1 -- wrong word yields mis-specification
With regard to the figure (and the similar situation in Section 4.2),
the 2nd sentence does not make sense. Please correct:
The IMEI format is 15 decimal digits encoded in 8 octets using BCD as
defined in 3GPP TS 24.008 [6]. The most significant digit is coded
| in the least significant bits of octet 1. The least significant
^^^^^
digit is coded in the least significant bits of octet 8.
---
The IMEI format is 15 decimal digits encoded in 8 octets using BCD as
defined in 3GPP TS 24.008 [6]. The most significant digit is coded
| in the most significant bits of octet 1. The least significant
^^^^
digit is coded in the least significant bits of octet 8.
(5) Section 4.1.2 -- punctuation
Please supply the missing trailing period.
(6) Section 8
Oooops!
I thought you wanted the IANA to register a new URN Namespace!
So please add the operational instruction for the clerical IANA
function:
8. IANA considerations
The GSMA will maintain a registry of the permissible values for the
elements comprising the NSS. Information may be obtained in [3].
---
8. IANA considerations
| In accordance wuth BCP 66 [1], IANA is asked to register the Formal
| URN Namespace 'GSMA' in the Registry of URN Namespaces, using the
| registration template presented in Section 3 of this document.
|
The GSMA will maintain a registry of the permissible values for the
elements comprising the NSS. Information may be obtained in [3].
IMHO, the original, and now second, paragraph could be dropped because
it is of no interest for IANA.
(7) Section 9 -- punctuation and typo
(7a) 1st paragraph
I suggest to separate the two independent parts of that clause by a
semicolon and add a comma afer "therefore" :
IMEIs (with the Spare value set to zero) are displayable on most
| Mobile Equipment therefore they must not be used as security
capabilities (identifiers whose mere possession grants access), for
example.
---
IMEIs (with the Spare value set to zero) are displayable on most
| Mobile Equipment; therefore, they must not be used as security
^ ^
capabilities (identifiers whose mere possession grants access), for
example.
(7b) 2nd paragraph
Again, white space is missing after the end of a sentence.
Please correct: s/trusted.Care/trusted. Care/
^ ^^^
(7b) 3rd paragraph
s/chnaged/changed/
^^ ^^
(8) References
THe ABNF Standard id used in a normative manner in Setcion 3.1.
Therefore, Ref. [7] should be promoted to Normative !
Kind regards,
Alfred Hönes.
--
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